‘Tis better to have loved and lost – thats crap

Day 37: ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. – Alfred Lord Tennyson

This is crap. . . If you love someone then love some one. You wont lose them if you both talk, communicate and understand each other.  I have broken up with the love of my life (hold that thought) Lets break this down

1) If she was the love of your life you would have talked.

2) If you where the love of HER life she would have talked

3) YOU BOTH DID NOT TALK HOW WHERE YOU THE LOVE OF EACH OTHERS LIVES…

Let me rephrase I have found my best friend again and I love her deeply.  If I was a real writer I would say something here that would be inspirational.  I’m not a writer I’m a man hurting because his ex. and he where stupid we never talked. In a relation ship you need to set time aside to talk about THE BULL SHIT YOU DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT.  Why you will ask because the things you don’t talk about become a cancer.  So no it’s not….Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.  Its better to love and talk. Avoid the loss it hurts many people besides your Ex and you.

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YOUR ACTIONS DEFINE YOUR CHARACTER

“YOUR ACTIONS DEFINE YOUR CHARACTER”  – Unknown speaker

“It does not matter who you are, your character will be defined by your actions. . . .”  – Speaker Unknown

Google says:

char·ac·ter

noun

noun: character; plural noun: characters

the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.

What does that all that mean.  Well it means crap if you have the backbone of a jellyfish.  You can’t say one thing then do whatever the hell you want.  Saying “don’t waste that” and then you throw a half eaten ice cream away … Guess what, your character just took a hit.  When you’re in a relationship it’s a give and take each have a say. No one has more power than the other.  The rub happens if  you think can do what you want because you’re you, “its ok for me but not you”.   We all have baggage, we all have issues. Your actions are your character so doing for yourself and not for the relationship is a character flaw.  You have one thing and only one thing for the world to decide how it views you. Its uses your character, what you stand for. whether you do what’s right for all or what’s best for you. You can say I really don’t care what the world thinks. It’s a nice thought but it’s not realistic. Are you leaving this world Or have you just been living in your own world for so long that you’re start to believe it’s really is all about you?  You can’t say pretty words and do ugly things.  You have one thing that even your deity can’t repair that’s your character.  If your ruin that you will ruin everything else you touch, because your actions define your character…….. Riddle me this when you are down and need a hand up. . .  who will help some one that thinks more of them selves then they do of anything or

anyone  else????? 

“This was the most unkindest cut of all” Julius Caesar Act 3, scene 2, 181–186

“This was the most unkindest cut of all”

Julius Caesar Act 3, scene 2, 181–186

We all say things, we all do things. we tease and have sarcastic cuts that fend people off people. For me its to fend off the unthinking and the unkind. Ok the rude and the stupid I said it. What we some times find is that when you sit and talk. As Agent K says want some pie slick. . It’s not the magic of Pie (3.14 sorry wrong Pi) it’s the magic that comes from stopping and talking. I have had a chance to reconnect with my best friend and find out that what I ever wanted was always there. This is where I take my leave of the Ice castle find my cave and ride with another Dragon, A Dragon that I have taken this ride with before and its a sad long and very eventful trip, at the end however is a place seldom seen its called home. I may find home again around here but a lot of things have to fall into place. Some very sad things. Would mean heart-break for some one I think of more than I think of my own needs, Which that is saying something because as you may know a Dragons needs can be very vast and great . Remember there is always room for ice cream or pie. Magic and a sliver of home where ever you are.

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow

 “To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time;” Macbeth Act 5, scene 5, 19–28

We will do better tomorrow… We all suck at something I have issues with self loathing, some are selfish, some cannot keep promises, some have the persona of not caring, some have to be the politician WE ALL HAVE an issue that we suck at and we keep saying we will do better. BULL SHIT do better today. When I fight with some one ANY THING EVER SAID IS FAIR GAME. . .  No it’s not, some bull shit from 2 years ago IF YOU DID NOT settle it than it’s not fair game. . . and if you did settle it leave it dead and gone. . . 2 of my best friends have had to on may occasions deal with this they are amazing and strong and wonderful  far more than I deserve. .  I have a friend that if I’m going to a no return fight and can take one person to watch my back I know who he is….  We have issues start working on them now not tomorrow. . . . yesterday is the past tomorrow, the dream it’s called the present because every day is a gift don’t destroy your gift with issues that can be fixed……

Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one

 “Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can’t be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.”     ― Martin Heidegger

Every morning is a new day with hope and the need to be filled. We fill it how we see fit, memories of the past, old hatreds, and very seldom hope.  Why is that because some one has taken, NO check that . .

we have given hope up and replaced it with some thing else. In  my case its self loathing and bitterness.  Peoples actions say volumes and they do not see it.  you can’t say you love some one and then do 3 harsh things to them in 30 mins. .   actions/words.  I try to help and to give but some times that giving is never repaid its taken with a thank you and a nod. .  and your left with a whole. .  if you take replace its a simple  concept if you take my kindness replace it with kindness. .  If you don’t you have little to stand on when I snap and you say can’t you give me any thing. . . NO I can’t. .  sorry . . . I tried my stores are empty there is this thing called and emotional bank account. In a friendship, relationship or even the work place.  it works like this a smile 5 buck a hello how are things 20 bucks etc..  when you need it it’s there and when your snarly this account pays out.  Well at some point the in and out need to match or you go in to the red… You can’t constantly with draw and not pay back. .   I have had my share on both sides of this.  me and my Best friend are so over drawn on each other that no mater what we do it just causes more over draft. . .  In the long run we hope,.. WELL I hope that the friend ship that is saved, one in which I hold more valuable than gold will prove worth the over draft and pain. So we start each day as many people and at the end of days we are but one man/woman. how do you want to be remembered as a good person as a person that did not care or one whose actuations did not match their words, many ways to end but in the end you will be only remembered as one way to one person HOW do you want to be remembered????????

There’s a thin line between love and hate

Day 35: “There’s a thin line between love and hate. Maybe you’re confusing your emotions.”
― Simone Elkeles, Perfect Chemistry

Google gives me this “ Opposite of love is NOT Hate. why, Because in love people have feeling and think about other person. And in Hate it is same with different intentions. Opposite of Love or Hate is Apathy”

What intentions? In either case the opposite is the same, apathy. . . I know you don’t care …. We some times find that when we hate someone we really love them.  Playing hard to get is a form of this.  There are feeling in both, you hate things your best friend does, but there still your best friend.  Sometimes we do things to get noticed if we feel we are forgotten.  Sometimes we saying the wrong thing, do the wrong things to piss some one-off on purpose.  You want their attention.  (Something you have not had in a long time.)  passion or lust / protection or jealousy  / love or hate.  They are all the same, just the spelling and the view is different.  In most cases you don’t fight with some one you don’t care about, you fight with some one you think highly of,  in most cases you don’t do things to piss people off because they mean ZERO,  You want them to remember you. . .  I have a friend that we do this to each other.  She is self-centered and I’m hard to live with.  We do and say things because we are both hurting.  We both have love for each other but for over a year we pretty much wanted the other persons attention.  The only way we got it was TO PISS THE OTHER  OFF.  You know what you do/did, you know how you say/said it, or how you mean/meant it….  There is still love there along with hurt.  Stop showing how your hate me. . . .  I know you’re hurting, how about we both stop pissing the other off and we find a Middle ground. . .  Never take someone’s hope away it makes you ugly and selfish. that’s not a good look for anyone

If a man were to know the end of this day’s

“If a man were to know the end of this day’s business ‘ere it come. But it suffices that the day will end and then the end be known. And if we meet again, well then we’ll smile. And if not, then this parting was well made.” Uncommon Valor – Col. Cal Rhodes

 

We all have done it, we miss something. . . We cant get it back. . . 2 hugs later does not make up for the hug missed in the morning..  a kiss and I’m sorry does not make up for a missed “good morning”.  If you miss your date you cant make it up to the person you stood up. .  IM the KING of next time I will make it up.  I cant and as the past 29 days have showed me that.  When the Quote from the top comes to pass on August 29th I will have missed 10,000 chances to do it right when the time was there.  I have rediscovered the best friend I had forgotten.  We drifted and no one noticed the other one when they where sending up flairs and S.O.S.  I will miss the morning hugs I cant say the Morning kisses because well I did not kiss her good morning in 2 years.  I’m a heel, a rogue, a cad, no  I’m Dragon and I forgot that the most prized treasure needs to be admired and polished and show to the world. My hoard is lessened and made my shelf empty so when the world comes to the cave there is a empty spot where My treasure once was. Its life and no one gets out a live, When I go home I will see her face as I open my Eyes the sad part is on August 30th I will not.

Be careful what you wish for

“Be careful what you wish for you just may get it” -(unknown) We have all heard this before but we never head it.  The grass is greener…  sayings that give warning but never heeded.  When its over you wish for something that may or may not be good for you because your hurting.  Some times what you need you HAD and my never have again.. Moving forward does not mean you forget the past you need to learn from it

Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.  George Santayana

 

We all have some of us more than others ( raises hand ) guilty as charged  I have used my past against 2 very dear friends and they weathered the storm for this I’m thank full.   On a personal side I was an ass for not learning from my past that’s on me.  I know I’m partly to blame for where I am and that life happens so there is enough for every one to have a slice of why. but at the end of the day I get the biggest slice why because I did not learn and I repeated my actions yes others did also BUT that does not mean I have to. . .  When something breaks you can in most cases repair it the issues come when you do it again.  After a wile there is nothing but scare tissue and glue/weld left.  I’m sorry for all the scares.  So yes

Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.  George Santayana

 

learn from my mistakes its easier on your life and save room in your life to add more understanding and can removes some of the hurt….

life is not convenient

THIS JUST IN: life is not convenient. It wont happen when it works for you, its a mean bitch and will beat you to your knees. When you’re on your knees life puts more weight on your shoulders. The out look of “gods will” “fate” ” murphy’s law” “shit happens”  how ever you look at it.

Every one lies, and all truth is relative find one that works… here are some lies and truths pick one that fits.When you say in a min, after a wile, that min has come and gone. After a wile  is code for “I’m not doing it”. Maybe or we will see becomes…. No. . .  don’t lie to the other person say no say I really don’t want to.

Life is a mean ruthless bitch that is not for the weak and wont let you go alive.  The test is to get up and keep moving forward. .  with your life, friendship, work, insert ( _____).

The lover relation ship is over, But the friend ship should still be there. it may not be convenient, easy or joyful. It is how ever a needed to be able get up and move forward.  You can look to some unseen power for strength but at the end of the day its you. . .

” Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ” (Marianne Williamson)

The Man who says he can

“The Man who says he can, and the man who says he can not.. Are both correct”    ― Confucius .  People offer to help, let them but remember its help they cant make you do any thing. A partner can not make the other partner happy they can assist or help but its the parties of the First parts that needs to want to be happy. . . if you say you cant lose weight You right stay on the couch. . . I can walk 2 miles! where are your shoes? You have some distance to cover.  When you and some one break up there are good feelings and bad feelings, there are happy memories  and the WTF memories. We all have it in us to make changes.  They don’t have to be great changes but they do have to be changes.  A water to a homeless person will make there day 50 cents to a school donation bucket may help the child that cant go because his family would have to chose between Food and the child’s trip.  If you say you cant with out trying you cant. NO you cant lift 1 ton all at once, but 50 lbs 44 times ( 4 sets off 11) guess what you moved a ton.

I have friends that can become over whelmed with life and I tell them take small bites of life, you don’t eat a turkey in one bite don’t tackle the job all at once know the lay of the land. Attack it the best way FOR YOU.  You can lose weight with small changes 2 cokes not 4 a day less sugar more veggies.  I have lost 57 lbs and all I really did was cut out sugar and logged my food and saw I ate enough for 2 people and low and behold I WAS THE SIZE of 2 people.

I have a friend that I had not seen in years we meet up one day and he looked at me and said ” you need a life style change…” in my mind I said ya  but how I cant . . . . when you think your having a stroke and all it is was dehydration you find a way to make a change.  “The Man who says he can, and the man who says he can not.. Are both correct”
― Confucius  this is a statement that should be remembered not read and forgotten.