Thats the hardest tea to Swollow????


It’s an old joke.  But is it really.  There are books writing to what is reality.  What reality is for you is it for me.  Is the reality that we are all in a tube some place. All this is all just chemicals being put in to our brains.  Is the reality that some people hope through time and remember their past lives.  All of these are possible all being improbable.  At on point flight was not reality.  Crossing oceans was not a reality.  The reality I face is that the one woman I love I pushed away.  She intern resented things about me.  We just smiled till we could no longer smile.   She loves another. Good for her.  I finally admitted what I did and how I truly feel.  Took me 6 years and a morning fight but I got there.   7 years ago My wife had a heart attack.  She lived  After being thrown out 47 times on the 48th I left.  Reality was we did not love each other.  She then had a stroke.    this was too much reality for me so I called it a day.  Yes I checked out of life for 6 years.  I did not get an ID, Drivers license, or get a bank account.  I fell off the grid.  I’m not finding out there is life out there.  That’s the reality that I was a living dead man.  More burden than help and I was not ready to see it.  I did for others but never for me, I was not worthy of kindness.  My best friend and I dated for 6 years and I saved her from a living hell.  The night we broke up with tear filled eyes she said. “you gave me back my life now its time for me to give you yours back” I did not understand. Reality was I was in shock and not ready to see it.   I do know A person from my college days is in placement.  We are talking about starting to rejoin life.  I’m excited and scared all at the same time. Time to rejoin the living. Reality is this, I’m no longer dating my best friend. She is with some one else.  Does not mean that years from now we wont again.  It means Fate says its time for me to live again.  maybe if I do a good job I will get my reward in this life. But as we all know reality says Fates a fickle Mistress. so we will see.