The devil you know

This is what we all must face.  Devil, Demon, Angel, Dragon, or Vampire.  The say the Devil was cast out from Heaven.   OK.  Now its funny a Pagan that prays to 3 ( 2 Goddess and a God) would start this with a thought like this.  I know what and who I am.  I’m a mental shop of horrors, I have many issues.  “;” this is my touch stone if you have no idea what it is Google the Semicolon movement.  I am a raging asshole of sarcasm, and snide comments.   Few I will give a kind word to, fewer yet will I allow to get close.  The ones that do all become Devils in their own way.  All are well-meaning, all with good intentions.  The path to hell is paved with good intentions.  I wait for “Morning _______”  from two people one I send a message of “Alive” to and one I chat with.  Which one means more?  AH there is the rub they are different people who hold different sway in my life.  The one the gets the chat is special in a different way than the one that gets the “alive” message.  I know skeletons in a lot of closets.  I know of secrets that can never be shared.   So the Devils I know for now I will keep.  They will change forms, sometimes will wear halos over a Vampire form.  All the while I have started bricking my self back into my cave not because I’m depressed but to heal.  To stop the cycle of pain that the good intentions bring.  Sadly I with draw from the world and close this side of my cave.  I will delve deeper in to my darkness and look for an endurance to the sky I will fly again in and feel the sun on my skin and do a Dragon dance on a distant hill where only I will be.  Knowing that this dance has been seen by only 2 others.  I miss people I pushed away.  I long for years gone by.  I will always miss “her”  it is what it is.  IF you’re truly my friend you will under stand if you’re not….. Sorry for your luck I will be who I am not to please you, but to be me.   long ago I let the world tell me who I was.  A jock and could never show I was smart.  Yesterday a person who is a beautiful model who’s pictures are loved my thousands asked me if when I get her Print if I would send her a picture of me holding the Print…… I asked why Your beautiful and I’m Chubby.  She said You may be chubby but that does not make you Ugly.   Life has changed for me,  as I sit here its all a layer of dust over a burnt wasteland.  Perspective what is there is a clean slate that the winds of change will blow away the dust leaving open ground and places to plant and to let things grow.  I will plant a Grove of roses and trees in memories of people in the past like a park to visit and remember.  As for now there is a slight breeze that is starting to move the dust.  I need to let it. I need to move and not block the wind…… We are all born as many men and we die as a single one……



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