Will we be Ok….

Raina 4insanity Maitress in the shadow

In my head there is Dragon and Raymond. I guess it’s the ID and the EGO if you will. I went insane at some point in my life hard to say just when.  Now before you call Bellview phyc word.  Read the center picture

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein

I started doing this at some point in my life and it works for a while but in the end it turns every thing in to a layer of dust, consisting of shattered dreams, futures never reached and promises never kept.  I’m broken, hurting, a recovering fat man, a raging ass with a thin candy coating of charming. ( I’m very self-aware )  The ladies in the pictures book ending the words are people I know in my life.  One is a former Girl Friend and one is a gothic modal, author,  and Police woman.  That I chat with.  These women are strong and are deep.  For some reason they like me.  My former girlfriend and I still chat we have furry children together we just grew apart. OK. Here is the rub.  We did not grow. We got complacent and forgot about the other on may occasions. We hurt and healed but never fixed.  She was to this point the best thing in my life.  TO THIS POINT…. ok till Jan 2015.  when the cracks could no longer be ignored.  The cuts to deep and the complacency was choking the life from us both.  I look back on pictures and like any thing in the throes of death the sparkle left her eyes and in mine I’m guessing also…  People tell you many things and as time goes on if you have mental illness you hear only the bad and that sticks not the good

Kali: …just because your chubby…… That doesn’t make you ugly.

I have heard that 1000 times before from dear friends even my former Girlfriend when dating and after.  Will I be ok? Yes IF and I do mean IF I heal my insanity.  STOP doing the same things stop faceless beings that are all the same.  There 4 lessons I for got ..

  1. The only place that is fair is a place that they judge live stock. .  no other place or situation is fair
  2. Perfection is in the eyes of the beholder no place else.
  3. Beauty takes many forms and can never have a blanket definition.
  4. Seasons changes people change feelings change views change people must also change the “hurry up living or hurry up dying you can’t do both”

So a full moon hours away and Halloween / Day of the dead coming fast.  I have changed many see it, some will not acknowledge it. They will only see what you were and that you will always appear to be this way.   I have my resume done classes almost done.  A life ahead of me.  F.E.A.R 2 meanings. Face everything and run or face everything and RISE there are you 2 options.  I will choose Rise.  For my friends but also mostly for me……


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