Happy Yule I guess. .

the hurting
It’s the Winter solstice and its the shortest day in the northern hemisphere.  Its a special day for pagans.  Yes, yes I’m pagan.  last year me and my former girl friend where in a relationship.  the Lover part ended in April.  When we broke up.  The friend ship part started soon after that.
People say I should not take blame for it ending.  Yes your right she did it all its all on her.  Really, just really…  It takes two.  Weather its a slow dance. A kiss in the rain.  A hug.  A conversation.  Yes  even a fight.  We where in love, deeply in love.  In some ways we still do.  We saved each other form a very dark existence.  Both in life draining relationships.  We held each others hand and made it out the other side.  There where issues, her letting her phone die and vanishing for a night.  Me breaking her heart 3 times. I did not admit when I messed up.  I called her stupid and she would forget I was alive at times of the year.  I have depression and PTSD and she would not come near me, she wanted me to come to her.  Its all about perspective.  In her mind I would come to her when I wanted help she thought.
The truth is if we did not break up when we did we would hate each other.  That I could not live with nor could she.  We are friends now and that’s the rolls we will hold in each others lives.  So as the song says.  ” there ain’t no good guy,.. there ain’t no bad guy,.. there’s just you and me and we just disagree…”
So on this winter solstice I only wish her happiness.  We will put things in a metal box and place it on the shelf and both protect it.  Its not her job or mine to keep it safe its both of ours.  The good times we can smile about.  The bad we will try to keep at bay and not feed them.    So a year ago we where in North Carolina for Christmas.  I wish I could send my mind to myself in 2010.  I would then know where I messed up.  Maybe just maybe it would be different.  HG Wells never left plans for the machine.   So yes this is Christmas and another year over.  a new one yet to come.  I hope it’s a good one for us both.

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