When the night rolls in and the room grows cold


You can go 6 days and have good days you can have a call that goes really well. You can change bad habits and have gains in poker. You can be in different pants like from a size 50 to a size 38. But when the night rolls in the room gets cool. It’s at that point it all circles the drain and you find your self on the floor wanting to go…………



About says it all


noun  de·pres·sion  \di-ˈpre-shən, dē-\

Simple Definition of depression

  • : a state of feeling sad
  • : a serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way
I have depression, I have said that many times.  It can give you a feeling of being unwanted, broken, useless and well unloved.  I had a girl friend that said ” I saw you where depressed, so I gave you your space and figured you would come to me when you needed any thing.”  Cool thanks because I already feel unwanted and you keeping your distances really helps that being wanted feeling.  When you have to chase someone for time this does not help either.  ” Well I know your hurting so I figured that I would not ask to see if you wanted to go with me..”  Thanks that helps the useless unloved and Unwanted feelings.  (High Five)  having depression is like being the fat kid you never get asked to do any thing because people don’t want to make you feel worse.  No no don’t ask because being left out forgotten and other wise ignored helps people with depression.  I was told by my best friend I did not hug them for a year or kiss them.  I’m sorry that happened  I have one question did you just ask me for one?  Did you just say Damn it I want a hug not for you but for me.  I did not ask you to play because I know playing this game hurts.  How about you ask and maybe just maybe help me get over that hurt.  I know I’m asking a lot of someone WITHOUT depression to make the first step to HELP some one WITH  depression.  Your right don’t ask, don’t make that first move, don’t see if you can help.   ALSO don’t ask when they kill them selves, hurt them selves, or become more self destructive I wonder what could I have done.  No No let them drown don’t sit with them don’t hold their hand.  Make them make the first move that works out so well.  OH, seen the news paper lately that Quiet man,  shy student had an accident I wonder what happened…….


Crying in the Rain
Ashes to ashes and dust that is us, When the Night approaches and fear with a rush.  To close your eyes? You hate but you must.  The sleep of the dead is your hope a friend you hope to trust.
The bed is cold, your arms do hurt. The issue is that you  forgot, and  now how bad you hurt.  sleep will come and so will the pain. the issue is how you fight not to sleep, its all  en-vane as the night starts ti creep. You try to smile, you try not to hurt. At the end of the day sleep is a must but you know it will hurt. you remember  the pain,  of the cold all  once more.
move on they say
its easy
its a Must.
So back once again we say ashes to ashes  and the time now is dusk.  the pain still grows but sleep is a must….

Kicking and Screaming

I have PTSD  not a shocker there and I awhile ago Me and my Best friend broke up from dating.  She got married I’m still single. NO that’s not what this is about.  It’s about holding onto “Things”.  I’m talking about cloths, and stupid things that in the long run really are of little value.   Example I lived with friends of mine for a time and one of my friends spent 3 hours sawing a pair of pants back together because I could not let them go.  yes I said that a pair of pants.  I’m not talking about pictures or rings or jewelry.  Clothes, belts, shoes, lighters (non metal ones).  So some force is making me leave that crap behind last night my lighter broke My former bought me.  Today my belt broke.  Ok I lost 75 pounds sooooo  I needed to replace it any ways.  Her and I chat, we are not bitter we do not fight Any more and a hole lot less.  She is married I’m happy that I helped her find happiness.  I have posted how I have helped 6 people grow and have a new start on life.  As I said some never help one and a priest would say if they can save one soul their life’s work would be complete. I have 6.  I guess if I was a fighter pilot I would be an Ace plus 1.  So some power that I can not see is forcing me to leave the old behind.  Its a good thing I know.  Never said it was not just saying it hurts.  My arms still hurt.  I’m still cold.  I still hurt.  I can not carry that which is not mine.  I can only carry what is mine.  I will always lover her.   We stayed friends.  It could have been much worse.  So I go kicking and screaming into the future.  But I’m Going.


What at first makes things better. Then makes things uncomfortable. Then kills things like relationships?
Give up.
how you ask well lets walk through it.
stage 1
You meet some one you like and things they do may make you itch but nothing to get excited about.  Being late. Not telling you when plans change.   Forgetting things.  No big deal.
stage 2
They make decisions and don’t tell you till its the day of even.  They do things and don’t see if you are bothered by it.
stage 3
You forget how to talk to each other you become complacent and now everything eats at you.  And you look back at stage one and say I should not have stayed Silent….


the hurting

For too long now, there were secrets in my mind
For too long now, there were things I should have said
In the darkness…I was stumbling for the door
To find a reason – to find the time, the place, the hour

Waiting for the winter sun, and the cold light of day

The Tears of the Dragon – Bruce Dickinson

Dragons tears. . . burn like acid why you will ask…  There is a myth that all dragons breathe fire this is not true.  Are breath does burn but not all is fire.  Great reds bellow fourth fire. Black dragons and Shadow dragons exhale poison that burns the eyes skin and lungs.  Blue and Mountain dragons discharge great bolts of lightning that burn also.  and the Icy and White dragons breath a blast of cold that will burn with a bitter cold to name a few…..

The tears of a dragon are always an acid that is the poison we revive on a daily hourly minutely bases.  Creatures look at us and marvel at the size the power the strength.  The words and weapons used against us do little to the ancient ones scar the old and will cut and harm the young and adolescent.  To become ancient you have taking all the slings and arrows and absorbed them and melted theme down and the words you here becomes the catalyst to make the acid for the tear.  We hear all the words, we remember all the hate, the anger against us. The hurt and hate that we cause echoing in our hearts minds and ears.  and it becomes an acid the can not be counter acted it is worse than any acid man can conceive.  Druids rage against us, Elves tread gently near us humans fear us and vampires mistrust us (some love us)((some both at the same time)). So when the tears of a dragon fall do your best to stay clear.  For the acid is so strong its been known to dissolve the strong bonds of all Love and Friendship.  In very small amounts