Have you ever had something happen that makes you see things in a different light. I finally reached out for help with my ptsd . I’m getting a councilor. The voices kept got louder, the Yelling “DO it, end it, Get it over with…” was them saying ask for help, and get rid of the pain.
There was an amazing woman that a hug took all my pain away. It scared me because all I was, was pain. I thought that if the pain was gone I would be nothing……….
what if this is true?
What if I was nothing, girl,
nothing without you
So what if I was angry,
what did you think I’d do?
I told you that I love you ……..
- “What If I Was Nothing” – All That Remains
HG Wells made a time device that could go forward and back in time.
What if you could go back in time. Change what happened, change the anger, the fights.
YOUR fear and show her what was the real reason you pulled back. And you could fix the love that was there. You could have what you lost.
Now you Look at her Facebook. See the love in her eyes that she has with her new husband. The smile as she is on a boat crossing a lake on summer vacation with a look of joy and happiness. Fate gave them a second chance at love.
Do you still go back and fix it? . . . .
As the Disturbed’s version of “the sounds of silence” echoes in your head.
You want to know what unconditional love is. . . . Its not getting in the one thing that could make YOUR life happy.
Because true love is not about your wants, its about theirs. The us is only a part of it. When you’re truly in love with some one. Your life means little their life is what matters. Because it should be the same for them and thus gives balance.
I love some one that way. Her happiness means more to me that all the gems, jewels, gold, or money in the world.
She is not here. one day I will hold her pale hand, brush the long black hair away from her face. I will kiss the Painted red lips and see a smiles that has 4 teeth that are very long and are very sharp.
So no I don’t go back and fix it. See you can love more than one persons unconditionally. This fallacy that you can only love one person is crap. A family with 4 aunts, 5 uncles, 3 bothers, 5 sisters, and your parents and your grand parents. You can only love one of them really. Some book, ONE person ideals being used as happiness templet. People are morons. They are reactionary, dangerous, heard animals. That will make fun of others. Hurt even. Even murder others because of color of their skin, clothing, What book of religious persuasion.
So the pain, the hurt, the loss, I feel is mine. Its not for me to share, that’s called love. Not the groveling of “oh take me back.” Love is a chemical reaction that happens. If you are numb to some ones affections nothing will rekindle that love that went cold. You can only hope that a new love will start between you both again.
A heart is made of glass, it break you can fix it but there is a crack in it and it will never fully heal. All you can do is hope that a new love will grow.
So no I don’t go back to fix what happened. because I love her. She is happy, in love, has a great life so my wants are meaningless.
This is healing. This is understanding. This is moving on.