THE WINDOWS TO THE SOUL…

Her eyes are haunted they do not sparkle.  Life has been ruff for her.  she says ” I’m happier than I have ever been.”  The eyes are the windows to the soul.  that’s why poker players wear sunglasses.

Why should I care? Why should I wonder about it? I have seen the eyes sparkle.  Why should it bother me?  I guess you have never given a homeless person a meal.  helped an older person with getting any thing from a high shelf.  helped a child find mom or a policeman.

We are human and we are suppose to look out for each other.  She looks out for me as best she can.  Her heart is with an other.  She tries.  People are people.  IF you loved them and it was real. Then there will always be feelings there. UNLESS the end was horrid and was all your fault, then you wont have those feelings.

Some are in relationships that it is of convenience and little else.   Some are perfect Illusions to point to a pop hit.  Some are so intense they leave scars.  Will I ever find someone?  The world thinks I will.  I’m not looking, I have friends but like the captain of the Dutchman.  Its in a box on a shelf being watched over.  I can have it any time I want it.  I don’t want it at this point in my life.  I want to play poker and see things.

I know the person watching it has forgotten they have it.  Its covered in webs and dust.  Which is fine.  When its discovered years from now.  It will have the scars of a life partly lived.  The note in side will say “the plan did not work. It was flawed but its all we had so we ran with it.”  Some loves last eons.  Some they write stories over, some are horror movies.

When I go home and I awaken an I look around from this dream.  I will see new scars and a face looking back at me.  She will say welcome home.  The heart will start to beat again.  Atrophied muscles starting to work and pump blood again.  She will look at me and place a hand on my chest.  With a sad look she will know it was a bad dream with a love that did not last.  She will kiss my cheek and say there is work to do.  She will smile and say and “I have needs also.”

That awakening is years away.  There are tables to play.  hands to win.  A friend I miss with sad haunted eyes.  they will say I’m wrong and I’m seeing zebras in a horse stable.  But I know her eyes I saw love, hate, and sadness in them all caused by me. I lived in those eyes.  Now I live on a couch and play cards.

As I finish this post up.  a song makes me smile.  On one hand I hear Archer saying “DANGER ZONE. Lana”.  On the other I feel the feeling when I have ace high and I push with two kings showing and win.

Yes all this from seeing a friends sad eyes…

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” TWENTY YEARS FROM NOW……”

Something funny happened recently.  It snapped when I watched a video. It was from the t.v. show the Blacklist. Red is trying to calm Resstler after Resstler was shot. Red paints a picture of what he  wants to do one more time before he dies.

I’m 49 years old.  I have zero work skills.  I have one thing going for me, my mind.  Its been tortured and abused.  Friends and foe alike have left there scars.  The saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer has a hidden message.  Sometimes are worst enemies are our best friends.  You know what to expect from them.

 I have been a horrid person in the past.  I have left mental scars on my friends.  Some have returned the favor .  I was never the arm candy some wanted.  I was never the obedient pet some wanted.  When I point out what they did, oh that’s has little importance to them.  For they only care about what they received not what they have done.

I get accused of twisting facts and redirecting issues.  Funny I get accused that when I redirect the attack back where it came from.  Yes I sometimes bludgeon people with there mistakes.  It was done unto me.  That is a poor excuse but its true.  I have been peoples dirty secret.  I have been the other man when there life was crappy I have even been the other man for the same person.  I will post this one with little fan fair.

I have learned many things from poker, the biggest one is. LET THE HAND GO!  Sounds OH so easy.  They even made a song out of it for a kids movie.  When your playing cards for money there is this think called “TILT”.  It is positive, and negative, both ways are bad.   What do I mean…..   Example you have 3 kings and 2 aces.  That’s called a full house.  A winner a LARGE percent of the time.  They have 4 aces, guess what, YOU LOSE.

Now this is where “TILT” happens.  You cant let it go.  You start beating your self up on how the beat sucked.  You then go on and lose 5 more hands because you have not let it go yet.  Positive “TILT”  you have the 4 aces to there full house.

When you have the hand you now feel bullet proof.  You can do no wrong.  You can do any thing.  Your start playing stupid its worse when it works for a couple hands.

People use my past against me.  They get mad when I use it against them.  Its ok for them to hold the fear of me snapping at someone.  Its ok if they leave me at home,  back burner me.  Use things I said or did against me but I cant return the favor.

I have changed over the past 18 months.  None more that the past 6 weeks.  I love a Vampire, A House Druid, and a few more.  But riddle me this.  Why is it ok for others to use fear of the past as a reason for actions now.  But its wrong if I do it?  Why is it wrong if I point out things but they can?

People ask me Why I’m not dating now.  Why after losing 80 pounds and fixing my life why don’t I date.  Because if I date I have to answer to some one.  I have to think of others.  Be the house-boyfriend, the House Dragon,

i cant be me.

I’m crude when people are crude to me.  I don’t throw the first punch.  I need to be called the Butler first.  I need some one to disrespect the person I’m with. They miss that fact.  Its me its always me.  It was also me that placed 10th in the poker tournament.  It was me that One 5 Omaha tournaments.

Two of the most important people in my life I have been horrid to.  They have returned it in spades.  In both cases they fired the first shot.  I shot back much harder and I’m the bad guy.

The list is long and in truth not worth thinking about.  The hand is over.  I wont go on tilt because they are.  A very beautiful woman asked me to forgive my self for the bad that happened with us.  She has and she has forgiven me.  I’m a poker degenerate.  I’m ok with that.  I’m also broken and covered in scars.  ” Chicks dig scars.”  My brother has a veil that people miss read.  They listen to his off the cuff words and not his actions.  Its a misdirection that few will see. I started to call him out on it in privet.

I have changed.  Raymond does not come out often.  I know who I am.  I think it scares people because I did it.  I changed when some never thought I could.  People had it in their head that It could not happen. They found someone new as I was doing it.   I take pride that I help find happiness, even if its not with me.  It could have screwed me up worse if I would have given up because of what happened.

At some point in your life you have to understand this.  You can not control how people react to you or treat you.  YOU can only control how you react and treat them.

I will always love the important women in my life.  I just wish they could see that its not all on me.  Its not all on them.  People have asked me to let it go.  I am.  I’m seeing things differently now.  I’m not letting people use passive aggression toward me.  I never noticed it before.  Now I take each conversation as an independent chat.

I’m a poker player that’s my job.  I need a few things, tools I need for my job.  Like when your getting your degree in college.  So I will do odd jobs to get a bank roll. But make no mistake.  My job is a poker player.  Its others that never wanted me to be one.  It’s scary.  Like being shot at. Like jumping from planes.  Like opening the door to go out side.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

 Author some say Mark Twain. some say no… 

49 + 20 = 69 we will see who’s married, who has bracelets, and who is happy.

” Learn’d that all on your own did ya?”

Ok so yesterday was not a great day.  Had doubts about my poker game.  Was ready to throw it all in the trash, get a job and die from boredom.   My brother ( roommate )  said well then do it.   Stepping back I thought he was all ways my biggest supporter, what mind trick was he playing here, ” these are not the droids we are looking for..”  style.  Then we start the real conversation.  He asks What 2+2=?  and I’m like well in most mathematical states its 4 but its all in the equation and what form of math and how you write it out.  After noticing the stare of ” are you done”.  I stopped and said Ok what am I missing.  The whole question he said.  At this point I’m lost.  He says you have 2 major issues and you need to fix them and fix them fast because life is right out there.

Your issues are mainly 2 things:

1: you hate to lose.  You don’t know how to lose gracefully, and then learn from it.  In my head I say well I lost my girlfriend, my dog, my home. I lost jobs, a wife, ECT.  Yes but I never learned to lose, then understand, and then move on.  I lose, dwell and finally one day I look up. life has changed and I have no idea how I got here.

2: And worst of all you have answers before you know the Equation.  You don’t try to do the work you just jump to an answer that fits and run with it.

The last one even as I sit here and write this out I see it more and more.  There is a process and in some cases people use past experiences to foretell the answer.  This is wrong.  As I type this out my mind is now flooding with things and how it has effected every relationship I have ever had.

I asked my former Girlfriend one night as she is laying hands on my knee to help reduce the pain.  Would you rather be loved or wanted?  I asked because earlier that day I saw and article about how women want to be wanted more than loved.

Her answer and the answers of most of my women friends shocked me.  Yes I’m a male so keep your sexist jokes to your self. This is not the time for that.  Most said wanted.  yes they wanted to be wanted more than loved.

I woke early to get some sun on my face.  The days are getting shorter, so I thought I should try to get some in.  the words of last night ringing in my head how I had 2 major issues and so I revisited this question I just posed a few lines back.  I found this article its not all of it but its a chunk and the author’s book was also added for your own reading.

• http://ecosalon.com/what-do-women-really-want-in-being-wanted-sexual-healing/

Dr. Eisendrath says: “Wanting to be wanted is about finding our power in an image rather than a in our own actions.” It’s inextricably linked to male gaze: we do not see ourselves, or other women, as we are — we see ourselves through lens of men’s desires and expectations.

Wanting to be wanted isn’t a defining characteristic of womanhood as Lacan, a famous and infamously sexist psychotherapist posited  – it’s just what happens to women in a world where we have never been allowed to be powerful. We are not expected to want pleasure — we are expected to be pleasing. That’s how we get our likes, that’s how we’re “favorited” when we’re offline. Then we go like hungry ghosts to Facebook to collect more, especially if we’re not getting enough from the people who are supposed to love us.

We sacrifice so much in order to be liked — to be good girlfriends, good wives, good mothers and friends. We do this so often it becomes normative, even though it’s a pathology. Then we are angry, resentful, out of touch with our bodies, dead inside. Our libido can wither away after years of not feeding it what it truly desires.

• Reading books like Ms. Young-Eisendrath’s and the seminal “What Do Women Want: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire” by Daniel Bergner can offer a fresh start and intellectual immersion in your relationship to your desire.

So how does this work with my 2 issues.  It in a way answers both.  I, like most men thought woman wanted to be love and that was enough.  NOOOOOOOPPPPEEE ( Lana for Archer Reference ).  So instead of doing the equation out I just inserted the answer.  Time after time after time.  You get the point.  So here we are. Life is right out there inches away.  The 6 inches in front of your face that’s life.  So at this point I have really only 2 choices

1: do nothing and have the results be the same. What’s the Definition of insanity, ” ‘Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ – Albert Einstein”

2: Change. Take each hand, relationship, person, situation, as an independent equation.  Factor in the variables and come to the conclusion doing the work not inserting the answer.

This I can start today and will I fall into old habits? sometimes but to try and to fail is to live.  We fall to learn to get back up. Can I make a living playing poker? We will soon see.  In my head I have to think yes.  For the man that says he can and the man that says he cant are both most times right.  Be your own self-fulfilling prophecy.  I use to have an issues with pocket Queen’s.  Always lost.  Talked to my poker coach, also friends looking for answers.  After being told 30 to 50 times its psychosomatic.  One day I just said ya your right.  “Learned it all on your own did ya?” Some times you can say something 100 times till some one hears it.

What did I learn.  Live in an equation.  It have variables, and factors.  Inserting an answer does not work.  Its the journey not the destination that matters. The answers are always right when you make them its later that all the information is available.   Do the work don’t insert answer.

GOOD DAY, BAD DAY, THEY ALL RUN TOGETHER…

It’s the start of fall in New England.  Few places I enjoy like here in the fall.  The sun is bright and the days are clear and the leaves are starting to turn colors (colours).  The summer is slipping away.  The summer loves are ending. They all are finding there ways back to the realities from which they came.  I have great days, good days and yes even some bad days.  To day is one of the bad days.  I don’t know why I have them.  It’s this feeling of being twisted, having all the happiness wrung from you like a wet rag.  If I don’t catch it it’s a day of hell.  My mind beating me with every bad thing I ever said or have done.  It’s the this is your shit life lets relive the lowest points that we can.  Remember what you said to you mom.  Hey remember the time with your first wife.  Hey your such a worthless human being that the woman that says ” no matter what we will make it. ” I will never leave you behind.”  Yes you rotten bastard you even drove her away.  I hope the man you drove her too. Now that their married is better to her than you.  Yes this is my mind beating on me.  I have no job, no license, and I want to run.  Run where you ask.  2nd star to the right and straight on till morning.  In a 30 day cycle I have a break down of 20 average days, 4 really great days. That leaves 6 days that came form the darkest reaches of the cave.  The places you don’t look because the bad things live there.  The places that if you walk to close the cold reaches out and grabs you.  It pulls you in and laughs as you sit there.   See the issue is I’m getting more comfortable there.  Because I lived there for months.  That’s not to say it does not suck it just the reality.  I got use to living in the dark.  Sitting in a chair as the darkness comes and envelops you.  The closing in of the dark.  My girl friend would have meeting so I would be alone from 8am till some times 9:30 10 pm.  I would not  turn on a light I would let the dark take me.  She was the light that would save me.  Well that light is some one else’s and I sit in the dark and wait.  So its a Dark Day as I call it.  My room mate comes home and turns on extra lights to help but its already settled in.  I will sleep in a few hours.  I will have night mares about having my dog only to wake up and be alone.  I will hide in bed till its safe to start my day.  Yes there reason she left you are both yours and hers.  She has asked you to forgive your self for the bad and live your life.  I wish I could.  One day maybe.  one day at a time I guess….

You Look Like My Next … Opportunity

I turned 49 years old this year. I never thought I would see it.  Child of the 80’s, service time, and living a lifestyle that would lead to jail or worse.  This year has been the hardest year to live through. 2015 saw the end of what was to be forever and the start of what it is now.  So for a year I healed in a way, going through the 7 stages of grief.

• Shock And Denial
• Pain and Guilt
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression ( this was around for 9 months and lingers)
• Testing and Reconstruction
• Acceptance

It’s been hard would be an understatement. {Thank you Gray for not allowing me to fail.} I started to read some of my post from when I started this blog.  It was like some one else had wrote them. In a way it was, for the person that wrote them is no more.  As the song says ” Yesterday’s gone.”  You have eyes that see where your going. Not where you have been.  I for months was like, ” If Only….” guess what! I cant fix it, learn and move forward.  In the USMC, there is a saying never pay twice for the real estate we have gained.  Meaning that the inches, feet, yards that we have gained we paid for in PTAD ( pain, torture, agony and in some cases death).  My room mate had to watch me for months.

He would watch me crumble rebuild repeat. Day in day out. Week in week out. Till one day the build and crumble was taking longer.  The foundation was starting to hold.  The old foundation was being replaced.

“….is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.”  Matthew 7:26 ( part)

With his help we have cleared away the sand, rubble and lose rocks.  We have hit bed rock ( insert Flintstones joke here).  I have been writing and getting my head clear.  I have been playing and learning poker.  2 styles and I’m starting to make a career of it.  Now any one that has any thing that  they want to say against this.  Please type it out nicely, and read it.  Proof for spelling, dictions and syntax.  Then save and keep for your self thank you.

I’m good and I have a natural feel for it.  Will I make millions? It does not matter.  I just need to make enough to play, eat, have a roof and some in the savings.  I know people that are slaves to the middle class.  I lived it with them, saw it eat at them. If I make Millions Woohoo.  Bugatti veyron super sport.  Don’t know the car, Google it .

The scariest thing is when you have to face your afraid to succeed.  It sounds stupid right!  I mean we all want to succeed right.  No see with success comes expectations,  standards, goals.  That’s scary.  You win the lotto your done.  Toss money in a bank, live in the nice home, wait for death. But to succeed means to keep trying.  Keep going become the greatest you possible.  Your not great!!  You have been fired a few times.  Have an ex wife, ex lovers both fails. in a movie I saw one time there is a scene that stuck with me:

” Quicksand..”

” You’re playing and you think everything is going fine. Then one thing goes wrong. And then another. And another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can’t move… you can’t breathe… because you’re in over your head. Like quicksand. “

Shane Falco: Movie ‘ The Replacements.’

That’s what happened to me.  Its part of PTSD which is not only for people that have seen war.  Its the 9/11 survivors. Cops, Doctors, Nurses, Families.  The list is long and most have a form of it.  I was called stupid by family members because I’m dyslexic.  Fat because I weight 92 pounds in 2nd grade. ‘Sped.’ In school because I had to get help learning.  Come to find out I have an IQ of 180 tested by the state of Massachusetts.

Then more labels get placed on you as you go through life.  Had my First wife say I was a complete and total disappointment to her.  I was under a doctors care.  Because  I would get in a car and drive and wonder how I got some place.  And she said that on more than one occasion.

Get over that. Then have a girl friend that nothing would ever work.  She would have an issue you would give her a way to fix it to a reply of.  But then there is this and 5 other things.  You fix them and low and behold there are 5 more.  One night she asked me why I stopped helping I said ” because no matter how often I help you fix it. You say “it wont work because.” After we had broken up I was her room mate till a place could open up for me.  Fixing her stairs I said  “What do you think?  Think it will work?”  To a reply of ” No “.  I had little to lose at this point. I snapped I said, ” just once it would be great if you thing some thing would not work you have an idea to what will..”

Now that being said She has come a long way.  She is still my best friend and one of my largest supporters.  She asked me to forgive my self and be great.  Yes I was touched.

So here we are, 49 years old.  The chains are off.  I have a plan to work and to work the plan.   If part of the plan fails.  So be it, I’m a former Marine have a back up plan because the Miss Fortune is a nasty bytch.  So here we go.  I’m breaking the chains that I have placed on me.  I have been forgiven.  and I’m forgiving my self.   I wont fly at first I have no doubt on that.  But I cant give up.  I want to be great.  Will the world know my name.  Nope.  Will my world of friends be proud of me.  I can hope.  Will I allow my self to succeed we will see.  Can I stop.  Nope.  I have to many people that see greatness.  Who am I to let them down.

WORTHY

wor·thy

ˈwərT͟Hē/

adjective

1. deserving effort, attention, or respect.

“generous donations to worthy causes”

I have heard this many time over the past few months.  You need to feel worthy…  They need to be worthy for a 2nd chance…  You need to know you’re worthy.   The definition of the word is above.  As many know my former is now a friends  and there are many adjustments that need to happen.  I hate change, shocking I know.  It is what it is.  We are special to each other we saved each other.  Then we hurt each other.  We forgot each other.  The word complacent could be used.  From both sides the lines have been drawn but except for her and I no one will ever truly understand what happened.  I love her she loves me.  That love has changed and evolved into something new and over time it will again.  It’s  how it works.  She is getting marred part of me is happy that I saved her so she can find happiness.  There is a part of me that says it should be me.  There is also a part of me that says it was not the right time.  As I sit here at type this out I know I will never fully figure out at which point it went from the love of the ages to you get the dogs.  I want my clothes,  we can talk once a month.  She was worthy of my love and understand.  I was worthy of heart.  Worthy and love both evolve and sometimes they fade and vanish altogether.  I’m no longer worthy of her heart.  She says she trust me with her life just not her heart.  She is worthy of being happy and having a place in my heart.  I will never feel worthy in my eyes, that is for others to deem unto me.  Not something I can grant my self.  I may think I’m worthy of a job but its the person that will hire me to think it not me.  Its my former to say if I’m worthy of a 2nd chance.  Yes, yes I know and on the flip side I have to deem she is also worthy.  That’s kinda my point its not something you can feel its something someone feels about you.  At the end of the day you can feel worthy of anything, the issues is are you in their eyes.  What does it take to be worthy to them?  Is it a car, a new job, or is it a different disposition.  We worked hard to air out the issues and in the end I think it helped.  Ok it helped me.  As for her I think it did,  she has a different view of a few things.  She felt I was worthy to save her.  And I was.  She was worthy to save me in my eyes.  Does not mean I feel worthy.

Fiction Chapter 2: The evil that’s within

Chapter 2 The evil that’s within

Kasiday made her way back to the room. She is stopped with a start,  Jamend steps from the shadows.  Evening  Kasiday he says, with no inflection or feeling. Evening Lord Jemend, the hour is late, I did not expect you to be a wake.  I don’t sleep much when Airister sleeps in places like this, he says with a sigh.  Kasiday nods understanding his reservations.  You know what your going to face tonight Kasiday? You know the verbal abuse? The physical harm that could come to you? She nods with resignation.  Why then? you have a warm safe bed not more that a short walk from here.  I will pay for a carriage for you if you like. Jamend says with a tone of sadness.  Thank you M ‘lord but being the daughter of the master at arms, does have some perks. I do thank you though.  I will spend the night with him and keep his secrets, its the least I can do.  With a raised eyebrow Jamend is confused.  Kasiday, why do you watch over him? Kasiday replies that’s a question I’m being asked a lot to night.  Airister did not soil my name the night we first met, in a manor he kept it. She regales the gray with the tail of that night 6 winters ago.  How her escort was jumped. The attackers tried to take advantage of her.  How Airister mistaking her for some one else, in a drunken and drug induced haze.  The money he gave me was for my silence over what I saw later that nigh. also for  the families of my escort.  Jemend smiled at yet again more tails of Airister’s utter lack of control with the dispersion of  his gold. A fact that most would say was a fallacy.  Jamend what is he haunted by? what are the dreams? His screams. what caused all of that.  Jamend looked out over the great room, as if looking back through the  vail of many winters. He thinks to him self, if she only knew how old they really where. Would she still ask these questions. My brother is haunted by many battles. Of many needless deaths and of the Woman. Is all he would say. Kasiday nodded and took her leave. Jamend watched her walk away.  He sighs.  He knows the screams will soon come, The sounds of breaking furniture. The sounds of verbal abuse would soon start. Wondering how much the cost would be in the morning. His thoughts are broken by A cross voice from his room. Are you coming to bed and at least trying to sleep, the female voice asked. Yes, Yes I’m coming.

As Kasiday reached the room, the paladin was out side of the room. He is mumbling words.  His hands are a glow as he touched the door.  What are you doing Kasiday asked, wonderment in her eyes.  Beg pardon M ‘lady Saberman, I had thought you had went to your room for the evening.  Well I want to. As soon as you move away from the door, Man of God. Kasiday said with an indignant tone.  But, but, but, M ‘lady you are not a Tavern girl or a girl of entertainment, why will you take his  bed?… After being asked this same question for the 3rd time this night. Her retort was cutting and meant to sting.  He is a great lover, I like it ruff, now step aside man of God.  An, Paladin what was the prayer you where doing at this door.  A simple locking ward. I have learned to lock him in and the world out. I do it every night.  Kasiday lightly touches the Paladins cheek.  Why does a Man of God do such a thing for a man the world thinks you cant stand.  With a looks as if she has slapped him, he looks up and says. M ‘lady he has saved me many times in the past and I’m sure will again in the future. He is not evil like most think, nor is he good. He is what he is.  I will help him in any way I can.  With a smile she nods and asks How do I enter the room now that you have locked it? The Paladin points to the door being a jar. It will take hold when the door is shut for the last time.  Good rest man of God. I will take tonight’s watch for every one… With a nod the Paladin turns and heads to his room.  As he walks by a curtain he stops looks down and there are the boots he knows all to well.  Draius its time to be asleep. You have stolen enough for one day.  With a wiry smile Draius looks up at the paladin. Why father, you care,  that’s so nice.. As the words left his mouth he dives for the floor… floating in mid-air he wonders what has happened.  Rodman had the thief by the cloth shirt and was now dragging him back to his room. A wave, night pretty lady was all Draius could muster as he was thrown in to his room and the door locked.

Entering the room the only light is the Image stone. There, a female vampire form floats above it. It repeats over and over again “I love you.”  Kasiday glides across the room.  Standing in the middle of the room. She drops her robe. Raising her hand, starts to chant as the wind picks up.  Her hands start to glow. With a clap of her hands, all noise stops. nothing from the out side world can be heard. No carriages, no yelling drunks.  It’s as silent as a tomb.  From out of the darkness, a blow from an unseen hand catches her across the face.  It has started. Airister is a sleep, but he is haunted, he’s looking for a fight. Kasiday looks around for any sign of movement, but there is none. A second blow, she gets hit again.  Thinking fast she mumbles a new chant, a flash goes off.  She rolls out of the way, as a chair crashes down where she once laid.  Blood dripping from her nose and cut under her eye. As the flash fades away, Airister vanishes once again into the shadows.  Thinking quickly she pleads for help from the attackers.  “Won’t some one help me”.  A calm comes to the room, the sounds of two swords are drawn. They flare, as the swords come to life. There glow reveals a figure. It’s not human.  It standing as tall as a draft horse. With silver-gray skin, scales can be made out. She crawls over to the creature, hugs it’s leg.   In a gravel voice, woman, where are these attackers??

Kasiday seams to slide between the beast’s arms, touches his face.  Airister, you need to wake. She whispers in his ear. The beast seams to sway and shake his head.  You are having night visions again, its ok.

Airister, shakes the sleep away, looks about the room. A smashed table, broken bottles and a chair in many pieces.  Then he looks at Kasiday. There he sees a bruise, the blood dripping from her face.  He hangs his head. The demons had taken his mind again. Again he was raging.  Again he had lashed out. Once again caused pain to someone only trying to help.  Walking over to his saddle bag, he pulls a bottle from it.  Hands it to Kasiday, he cant look at the woman’s face. He cant bare to see the marks left there by his hand.  She looks at the bottle, then at Airister with a confused look….

Its not poison witch… just drink it…  He heads back to his saddle bag, and pulls out a sack of coins.. as she drinks from the bottle and feels a warm glow. She feels her face tingle, the damage seems to fade. She seams to feel younger  as if a year or so has been removed.  Turning back around Airister notices the bottle he gave her. Shaking his head, he mumbles “I need to read not just grab.”  Looking again in his saddle bag.  The saddle bags, seams to know no depth. He find a second bottle with a differ writing on it. He hangs his head.  Well my dear it seams I have given you the wrong bottle, but here take this one also.  Handing her a pouch along with the other bottle, he says I will call you a carriage to take you home.

The woman stands, a gust of wind blows the curtains to reveals a curvy and buxom young woman.  Airister, where I choose to sleep is my own concern. I’m tired of MEN telling me where I can sleep. NOW, you will wash your self, then meet me in bed.  Now move.  He mumbles, a yes Ma’am. The creature glides to the water closet, washes.

Kasiday, mumbling more words. The table and chair are fixed, the bottles are swept up.  The rooms seams to have suffered no damage.  Confused Airister looks at this woman in utterly amazement.  Kasiday kissing his lips, it’s magic my shadowy scaled lover.  Now to bed and soon to sleep.  Airister was confused, then  he realized he was just told it was time to apologize,  he was just told how it would be done……

Airister walks to the window as a form known all to well hides in the curtains. Grabs Draius by the neck. Now you can go to bed in your own room and stay there, or I can chain you up, and hang you from this window. Its your choice.  Before Draius could answer. Airister, looking down at the street. Sees a full figured lady of nightly entertainment walking by. She is dejected for not finding a mate for the night.

With a shrill whistle, louder than he meant to. He trys to get the woman’s attention.  It went  unheard, she walks on.

Confused he sticks his head out the window, holding Draius by the shirt out over the street whistled again.

This time she stops and looks up. Wench do you have a place to sleep tonight? Saddly she shakes her head no.  Ask the man at the door to step out here for a moment. The thick woman returns in a moment with the front door guard.  Airister tosses down 4 coins. He says, have the lovely lady go to, {shaking Draius like a rag doll} to his room. You will post a guard. See to it that no one leaves the room.  3 coins for you and one for the guard at the door of ( again shaking Draius) his room.

The woman looking confused, looks up. You will get your 3 coins in the morning. RIGHT THIEF?  But Airister  3 coins you did not even negotiate.  Pulling the thief close, I could drop you. Better yet told her 10. Now back to your room thief.  For Goddess sake Draius, steal her nicer clothes for morning meal.  Airister drops Draius on the railing. The thief finds his way back to his room.

As Airister turns feeling the gaze of an angry woman. He turns to see a freshly powdered woman with painted lips and dark eyes.  Well is all she said and tosses her head at the bed.  Airister starts to wonder who’s the hunter and who’s the hunted….. Looking over to Kasiday. why can I not hear the street? even with the windows open? She smiles, Its a simple spell we can’t hear the outside, the outside can’t hear us.  She blows the oil lamp out.  Looks at Airister then the Image stone then at Airister. Reaching over to the image stone, its placed back in the saddle bag and the room is once again dark.

Kasiday laying close, the  feeling of scales against her skin. Airister? yes Kasiday.  Airister what are you, I mean what is it you change into. In the light you look human. In the dark or shadow you vanish.  Airister slides from the bed. Not all that open about regaling people with is heritage. The woman once again chanting a spell, Her eyes glowing this time, they seam to stop and the room goes dark. Airister sits in darkness Seeing with the clarity of day light.  Not the inferred that the Drow and other creatures of the under world used.  No his eyes where not like others. He thinks, Ok so do we tell her the whole story or just parts of it, Do I enjoy her enough to trust her or just…., She speaks again. I can see you sitting there in the dark.  Confused no one sees Him in the dark how is she.  Thinking back he remembers her glowing eyes, more magic.  I’m going to have to watch you aren’t I? He states more to him self than to her.

Airister, I asked a question. I see your not giving up, are you? Kasiday laying on her side, exposed to Goddess and all to see her shape.  My dear, your body will not make me talk more. So you can cover up. Why does it bug you.  Seeing me with out cloths covering me, I care not. He sighs and sees yet again an argument he wont win, one of the many reason he pays for his nightly companionship.  A small flame appears and the air is filled with a soft smoke.  Looking over Kasiday has a short, rolled, leaf between her fingers.   Does your Father know you indulge in Dwarven ways.

Does the world know you are a Creature not a Man in the shadows and at night? Ok Point well taken.

I’m A Dragon, Kas. It was out in the open for one more to know his secret.  Now would he later have to kill her to keep this secret or would she keep it.  Kasiday stands, Dragon look at me what do you see?  A beautiful Lass of 21 winter, I mean 23 winters. Why do you ask Kas.

She stands. Starts to shimmer, as a streak can be seen in her hair. Her skin turns black as wings  form,  fangs appear.

Airister has seen a form like this before.  Not a normal sight in the land of men, But often seen in the lower plains.  Your a Demon, he says with little tone or fear.  This does not bother you?  he laughs.  My dear. I married a Vampire. I my self a Dragon, so you being a demon. ya, not a deal breaker.  She exhales, See we all have secrets.  If you only knew Kas, if you only knew.

Do the others know about your condition.  Really, Kas, just really.  My condition,  what its a cold? A case of leprosy? Are the others special? Kas, just stop digging.    You sound silly.  The others will talk when they are ready.

In truth yes they were all special. Each in there own way.  They had human forms so they could live with humans and not draw attention to them selves.

I heard tell Of Drows Now living in the light.  They follow a kinder Goddess. The realm has changed over many thousands of winters.  Some good, some bad, but hey.

Gems, Gold, silver, copper, and platinum are still used.  Magic is still all around, it has changed but still here.  No longer can you just learn it you need to be born from it.  Or have it in your bloodline.

Airister sniffs the air. A wet dog smell is faint but grows.   With a short Snap Airister tell Kas to change back and tosses a blanket over her.

Airister is standing at the window.   Draius hides to the left of it thinking he is unnoticed.  What do you want thief You should be with your friend for the night.  Well Dragon, a look crosses Airisters face.  Draius continues. Its long into the night no one can hear.  I’m sure your bed mate knows the truth by now.

I will throw you over the edge if you do not come to a point soon.  I need to do some Info gathering.

Draius you could not find intelligence in a library.  What are you getting at.  I think we are on a fools errand, he states.

In truth If there was one thing Draius could do, was find out every ones little secrets.

Dragon, how do you know where I am all the time? You smell like a wet dog, Draius.  Humans have not the nose we do.  Oh and tell your demon lady friend her secret is safe with me. Airister sighs.  Draius  shut up and go learn things. Back by early meal.  Make sure your friend is SLEEPING, we don’t need another dead body in your room.

Stepping back in to the room, Airister looks at a very unhappy Kas.  How long was he out there for? asking in a foul tone.  Well with the wind at this time of year.  I would say about 1/4 of a candle give or take.

Look Kas, If there is one thing the Dog can do is keep secrets.  Yes he babbles, but not about this. She draws again On the weed roll and exhales. You better be right.  A fire Rages in the Dragons eyes.  Kas, I like you. I will kill, you as easy as I breathe if you question any one of my friends again, understand?  With a nod she agrees.

She has seen first hand the rage he is capable of.  Few will rip a mans chest cavity open, looking for a ring that was swallowed. She shivers. Never out side of the lower realms has she seen this rage.

Kas. yes Dragon.  You don’t have to stay in your human form at night with me.  Just keep your wings closed, ok?

She smiles and nods. He makes his way back to the bed. Sounds can be heard coming from the out side world.  Kas,.. your spell is ending, how often can you cast it.  A fanged smile appears.  As often as I like Dragon. why do you ask?

Well I want to sleep. An you can get loud, we don’t need to wake guest four rooms down, do we? No Dragon is all she says.

Drawing again on her flaming weed.  Dragon? yes Kas.  The Paladin what will he say?  Little if any thing. Why do you ask.  Well the whole Paladin/Demon thing.  OH that issue.

The Paladin has his own issues. It will be of little matter to him.

In truth it was an issue, but many winters ago.  The paladin and the hunter had a discussion about Airister’s dating habits.

An uneasy truce was reached.  Well in truth a verbal lashing from Jamend,  Really ended the issue.

The ringing of steel had disturbed the gray.  This was not done.  So he had ended their chat with a rather large electrical storm.  A man in metal armor and a man holding twin swords will listen as lightning is flashing around.

VENTING

I need to vent a moment. we have 22 vets a day deciding to end their lives .  But what is one of the larger news……… Coffee cups. yes Coffee cups.  So in essence. A disposable cup you have for 2 hours max in your day is worth more than a Human Life. .  It’s not us that’s wrong its the outside world i swear it is. .  your Theological view is wonderful i wont bring up mine.  Maybe if ptsd, depression, bipolar and suicide  from the later gets talked about as much as a red cup maybe just maybe we wont feel like Lepers.

Will We be ok??????

There is a little girl and she has her Dragon.  The Dragon is feared by many, is unlikeable and has many scares.  The Dragon found the little girl is a place that had many wonderful things to see.  Also many nasty and horrible places also.  The little girl lived in a home that she was unloved and treated badly.  She was a slave and could see no way to be free.  The Dragon came to give the little girl strength and love.  The little girl found the courage to stand up to the troll and force him out.  As time went by the little girl grew up.  It was time for the Dragon to fly once again. So the little girl sent the Dragon away to find happiness.  The Dragon was sad  but moreover he was proud of the fact he has saved the little girl.  To give some one a chance to be free and to love is the greatest thing a Dragon could do.  The little girl still talks to the Dragon.  Still calls to him, still love the Dragon.  In time may call the Dragon home.  Till then she know she has a Dragon.

There is a Little boy scared lonely.  He finds a Vampire cold and aloof, hiding in a dark castle.  The little boy knocks and knocks till the Vampire come out to send him a way.  The little boy scared and lonely would not leave. The Vampire grows to love the little boy and has him move in.  Over time the little boy becomes bratty.  The Vampire becomes busy.  They each try to get the others attention but they each fail.  Till one day the little boy being a brat opens a window.  Sun light shines on the heart that was theirs.  The sun shatters the heart and the Vampire send the boy away.  The Boy sit out side the castle wanting to go back in.  There is another in the castle with the Vampire now.  The Vampire loves the little boy. Talks to the little boy.  But loves another boy.  So someday the little boy may go back in the castle only time will tell.  The Vampire says ” I will always love you, Little one.”  The little boy put on a brave front but once again.  He is cold and lonely and misses the days of Wine and roses. The Vampire will always be there for the little boy. But the little boy will no longer be able to hold her hand or touch her.

This is the two sides to the same story.  We all have different personas.  The Bratty boy is also the Dragon.  The Vampire is the Little Girl.  The view is different but still the same outcome.  Kiss good morning, Hug often. Talk.  A sad little boy/girl misses their Vampire/Dragon.

Fiction Chaptor 1

Chapter 1 the Road ahead

As they ride the Gray speaks. . . So here is the job.  From the back the Paladin, Yes is it for My God and his fine work.  No its for money and for the thrill is all the reply he gets.  Jamend The Gray Ranger continues.  There seams to be a need for us to find the reason the King of Kitrn’a is losing men and life stock.  Airister, In foul mood says.  What is the pay for this monumental task.  Rodmon the Paladin, says What ever the pay is we shale give 3/4 to the Gods and the work they Do.  The hell with, For Your God.. You give what you want its a 5 way split.  Is the Elf’s reply.  Demaras of the Elven royal House of silver.  A long title for such a woman but Dem is the fast version.   Draius The thief starts his non stop babble. He is in love with his own voice. .   Draius. Would you still be able to talk with an Arrow in your neck? I don’t think so Replies Draius why do you ask Jamend.  If you don’t shut up we will find out retorts Airister. .

They Argue and bicker as they ride, gallows humor.   Their outlook for they all know at any time life could end. well for the others, Airister is different he has been cursed.  The God of the dead will never allow him the peace that is death.  This group has traveled often together. Sometimes they travel to their homes.  Often regrouping when life gets boring. Or a break is needed form their mundane home lives.     Airister is no longer welcome at his home.  The road is it for now.  Drinking to much. To many tablets.  The love of tavern girls is what he has now.  His life, his home, all gone and with little chance to be reclaimed.  The anger and hurt of a female vampire.  Her suffering is not easily forgiven.  She has the Castle, the Animals.  He has the items on his person.  Dem rides close to Jamend. Can he be counted on. I mean he’s a mess, he is a drunk, he smells, takes to many tablets and is very angry.  Dem! he is what he is replies Jamend.  He is a decent Ranger.  A dirty fighter.  He  does all the nasty work that needs to be done.  Answer me this Dem.  When there is a fight would you rather him be fighting in front of us or not there.   In front of us Jamend that’s a silly question. No Dem the Silly question was can he be counted on.  She nods with a snort and slides back, in order.

The sun rows high in the sky. Hey Gray, can we find a nice clean stream to stop at.  Why Airister? is it bath time, Pipes in Draius.  No thief, but next time you pick the wrong pocket.  I may not be so fast to step in.  Now Shut that wine hole of yours. Was Airister’s reply with a foul look.   Airister knew that the thief was right.  He could not remember the last time he had scrubbed {lack of a better word} skin was.  Hey about 1/4 sun movement from here is a town.  Gallows tree I think its called.  Lovely name, I think I will get a summer home there pipes in the Paladin.  Really Paladin just really.. is the reply from a voice in the crowd. . Look If we stop there for food and the night I will bath and even clean my armor, Deal. Fine Airister but No brawls and no women and no mead.  Jamend you get 2 of the 4.  We all agree on the bath and armor.  Now pick 2 of the last 3.  The gray shoots Airister a look that would freeze running water.  Shower, no Brawls DEAL? Deal Jamend.  Draius rubs his hands together, joy a new town. Yes Thief and with no brawls you get caught steeling your on your own got it.  Speaks the Paladin. Oh yes your oh shiny one is Draius’s only reply.  Dem shakes her head in dismay she knows the truth of this night ahead.  There will be drinking, fighting, stealing. A crusade and that’s all before the sun will set. .  She prays that just once it will be quiet.  That she and Jemend can rest and not be disturbed.  With a bad thief,  an over zealous Paladin,  a raging dark ranger, looking to hurt something more than he hurts.  The chance is very slim.  But maybe just maybe.

As they road into town. Draius says, we seam to be drawing attention to our selves.  You don’t say, is Airister’s reply.  What was your first clue, the guards Drawing their bows? or the metal wall in front of us.  They looked up to see in front of them a  wall of armed guards,  archers on top of buildings. Rodmon speaks, Airister why do I get the feeling this is your doing.  Why do you always blame me.  Halt and state your names and why you are here.  Dem Pipes up, we are simple travelers that  just seek food, a bed and a bath for one of our companions.  The Master of the guard walks past Dem and Jamend.  Past Draius and Rodman.  Standing at the side of Airister.   Looking down, hello Greeting Stuberman you look well. .  IN a loud and unyielding voice Its Sabermen and you know it you slimy bastard.  Here,  Here  Stuberman you still all worked up over the last time I was here.  How was I to know the wench was your daughter.   I paid her well, more than you make in a year as I remember.    The master of the guards reached up to pull Airister from his mount. Well tried to for as the master of the guard reached up, Airister slid off his saddle.  In a blaze of steel.  Airister had a short sword under Sabermen’s Chin.   The Paladin whispers I knew it all the time. why did he have to do minitor dung here.  The 3 others all sat not moving knowing that this could turn ugly in a heart beat.  Now Stuberman we can talk about this like gentleman.  Right.  What would make this write with you besides me not killing you right now.  Sabermen looking up a sword point under his chin.  Well for one your word not to see her again and that its a short stay. .  Reaching in to his saddle bag grabbing a hand full of coins how about this…  Take this 25 gold pieces, toddle off and be a good Guards  men.   Leave me alone.  Airister moves closer and whispers in his ear. I’m sorry for your family’s honor.  Now take the gold, there is 50 there not 25 keep the other 25.  Buy your family some thing nice.  let me and my party have a quiet evening.  We will even go to the Tavern of your choice so you know where we are.  Reluctantly the master of the guard agrees.  From the crowd a young girl screams.  Airister  you have come back.

A raven haired lass, bounds from the crowd.  Pushes past the master of the guard.  Father leave Airister alone, he was good to me. He did not hurt me.  Now stop and go protect the piece.  The Raven haired woman , with tan of skin.  Not from working fields.  From the pampered life of the middle class.  The silk dress did little to hide her curves,  even less at hiding her cleavage.  With out a word she plants a kiss on Airister’s lips,  pulls him close.  Airister stands there arms at his side.  As the girl comes up for air he speaks.  Um, M’Lady Sabermen.  Your father has asked that we not see each other.   I will respect his wishes.  Draius pipes in, WOW that will be a change.  As a back hand from the paladin knocks the thief from his horse.  Kasiday looks to her father.  Father I’m of 23 winters old I will see who I please.  Airister chokes as he thinks back to when he was last hear.  Three, no Five, No six, yes six years that would have made her seventeen + winters old this is not a good way to start this trip.

Master Sabermen escorts them to the tavern. .  Really  Stuberman. The winged horse this must be the priciest place in town.  Rodman smiles clean sheets, clean water ,real food. .   yea and really pricy,  you Shiny man of low intellect, Airister says in a huff.  As Airister looks around it dawns on him why this place. .   Plenty of places for archers to watch and the gaol was in view.  So was the master of the guards  house.  Dem pipes in we can share rooms ..   NO can be heard from three of them.  Airister sleeps alone except for the paid wenches and mead. The paladin would not sleep with a thief.  well the thief was known to bring ill gotten items back to his room along with some women that would steal a dead man’s teeth if they had value.

Airister looks to Jamend. .   Ok we each pay fifty – fifty, you pay for Dem.  We split the paladin and I will pay for the thief. Deal?  Deal is Jamend’s reply with tone that could only be one of resignation and loathing.  The thought of the cost of this night was not a pleasant one.  Look at it this way Jamend, Airister will be clean and we know there will be no issues with the thief or the paladin, states Dem.  Jamend knows the truth, the thief will be in and out of every room by the time dinner is cooked. The paladin will have talked to every working girl about there sinful way of life. With  Airister….. Jamend shivers at what this night will bring.  Already   Kasiday  had Airisters saddle bags in her arms.  She had ordered 4 rooms with water closets. She told the desk a story Dem and Jamend are Married. this night was going to be long, not with out blood shed, with the possibility of a dead body at some point.

Kasiday had ordered a bath for Airister.  he had his armor off and hanging on the rack.  Kasiday had paid a street urchin 3 silver, to scrub and pick the dried ichor out of the chain and rivets.  As night fell and the dark crept in to the room Airister vanished.  The child and Kasiday look around for they can not see him.  Child? did he use the door.. No mum, he was at the window.  The sound of water splashing can be heard, Kasiday blinks.  Airister how did you walk past us to the tub of water?  He shrugs, says  you must have blinked.  A knock at the door A voice is heard, “dinner in 1/4 of a candle.”

Airister? yes Kasiday. where are your clothes. . . Airister slumps down in the water.  He has no clothes only the armor on his back.  Nothing that could pass for dinner in a place like this.  Airister I asked you a question.  I DONT HAVE ANY was the reply… Kasiday looks at him.  What do you mean you have no clothes.   Draius falls in the window.  He was asked to leave his home and only took what he could carry.  A bottle flies across the room glancing off the thief’s head. OUT, GET OUT you little bastard.  The street urchin looks up, “me mum?”…. No child you stay, Thief out with you.  Kasiday frisks Draius  and sends him out the door.

Looks in at the washing man and says. So your homeless.  Yes, Do you want to tell more people.  Maybe we can tell the town crier.  Have it as table talk down stairs.  He stands and water beads and rolls off.  Not drip like on other men.  Kasiday says give me 5 coins.  Why is the reply. Airister, you need clothes I will send for some. Fine, is his reply.  Nude and with out a care he walks out from the well lite water closet. Vanishes as he hits the darken room.  A clink of coins and he walks back in and seams to reappear.  The street urchin gasps.  Airister tosses him a gold coin for silence.  Kasiday looks at him how do you do that. Its a gift is all that comes from his lips

Draius, as expected was in and out of every room.  Picking up a coin here, a broach there.  A pearl pin.  A fine long sword caught his eye as  he enters a room.  Just then an older woman enters the room from the hall.  He hides as the woman undresses and washes with the help of a water bowl and pitcher.  Draius was trapped. He was going to be there a while and he know it.

Jamend and Dem also chose to wash and clean up. For who knows when warm water and soft cloth would be at hand again.  Jamend know this was not going to be good.  He knew Airister’s had issues and was not really ready to take on the city guard.  When Airister’s  Issues would come to light.   Dem asks, what eats at HIM.  She would not use Airister’s name.  It was HIM,  HE , some times the dark one.  Jamend says, it’s the wars and the loss of her.  Well the wars have been over for some time.  Well he needs to move on from her.  Jamend shoots Dem a glance.  Yes, yes please say that again at dinner.  We have not had a brawl in over a day its high time we have one again.  Jamend knew that Airister’s losing of his home was the fault of his and the Vampires equally.   But that does little to ease the pain Airister felt every moment awake or a sleep. Dem askes  Why does he dwell so?   Jamend just shrugged it off. He knew why and would stand with his brother no matter what.  Even if Airister was at fault.  They dressed In Elvin robes an clothes and headed to the Paladins room.

The Paladin naked, kneeling to a figurine that seams to move.  He talks out loud, but no sound can be heard in return. Yes great One it shale be done I will convert 2 wenches this night and a guard to your calling. Yes Great one Airister still travels with us as does the thief.  I shale not abandon them you can’t ask me to. Oh thank you great one your Grace is overwhelming  and  generous.  A knock at the door.  Rodman dinner.  Is heard from the Gray Ranger. I am in need for Clothes and I will be down.  A water  falls over him but does not make the floor wet and he stand clean and quaffed. Thank you All mighty one for your generous gift you have bestowed.

A knock at the door of Airister’s room.  Evening meal the Gray calls in.  No reply comes. He knocks again and enters.  What he finds he can not help but laugh.  There in dark pants, a frill shirt and short coat stands a washed and dried Airister. Really For the love of God and Goddess, REALLY you laugh.  That’s it I’m taking it off. Kasiday stands and says fine take it off.  I will tell the whole tavern you had relations with me when I was 17 winters old.  He sighs with resignation, you know its not true.  You had turned 18 when we met. Kasiday smiles,  I may have been off a month or two who is to know.  Airister sunk lower to the floor.  I may be ill is all he can say.   Jamend looks at the clean armor, boots, the oiled leathers,  shoulder holsters.  looks at the street urchin.  You,  child do you have a home? Parents? Can you feed and water horses?   No,  None, and Yes was all the child said.  Fine you now travel with us.  You are to feed, water,  brush the horses and clean armor we will feed you and clothes you.  Really Jamend and whom will pay for his up keep. .  It will come out of the general fund… Airister knew that look from his brother, that meant we all chipped in and took care of it.  Fine But he sleeps with the horses. .  Not my room, Airister stated.  Jamend looks over, yes your horse will love that. .  a sigh can be heard from Airister.  Kasiday, go buy the boy a bed in the common room.  Kasiday smiles, taking the boy by the hand.  Kasiday, before you take him down there.   Airister sighs, wash him, get him some travel clothes.  As he hands her 10 gold coins. 1 is for his pocket 2 are the bath 2 for the bed and 5 for clothes and travel needs.  That’s the spirit Airister see it feels good to help does it not.  No, it does not Jamend, it feels like I have a hole in my saddle bags.

The party meets in the main hall for dinner.  Kasiday in dress of silk.   Airister in his coat, matching pants and dark shirt.  Jamend knows there will be no wenching tonight for Airister.   Kasiday has her claws in deep.  Dem is taken back by the way He has cleaned up. The Paladin and the Thief both showing up at the same time.   Rodman holding Draius by the back his the neck.  Found him in a room with a woman screaming.  I did not look as she washed was all the thief could say.

The child stands at the table.  Clean, new clothes.  Who is this asks the Paladin.  Another mouth to feed I see.  For a man of God you have little compassion for the poor.  Rodman shoots Airister a glair.  Who is paying for the child?? Jamend  says we all are, now, Shut up and stop being the ass that you are.  The boy held the chair out for the ladies.

He moves to Kasiday’s side and waits.  Airister Waves the boy over.  Whispers in his ear and slips him a silver and the boy rushes off.  What was that about. Nothing Dem nothing at all.  Moments later the child returns with a tankard of mead and smiles. .  Airister looks over, really, mead here is a silver piece. The child looks down and says No.  The mead I stole and kept the silver.  Draius laughs.  The Paladin says well he was honest.  Airister flicks the child’s ear.  YOU DONT STEAL MEAD OR FOOD.  At this point the owner stands at the table.  Airister, looking for a fight, starts to speak. Jamend cuts him Off. Good sir thank you for coming over we would like to thank you for the Mead you sent over.  We would like to order 3 bottles of your finest wine.  Looking over his shoulder at Airister.  Also 3 bottles of mead. Meats and food for the table.  The owner fresh out of anger nods and walks away.  Airister glares at the gray Ranger. I could have handled that.  Yes and there would have been a fight, now shut up and drink your mead.

The child’s mouth open in amazement at the food on the table.  Airister looks over at the child.  Waves down a serving wench. ” I need a plate and a mug of Watered mead and hurry. a silver if your fast.”  She returns a moment later. Airister pulls the silver from the boys pocket and hands it to the Wench.  She smiles and wheels off.  The boy looking down at the empty pocket. Feels a bump on his head. looking up he see’s Airister with a plate of meats, bread and the watered mead. Get your ass Under this table and eat.  Before I rethink this.  The child grabs the plate and mug and slides under the table,  The table all turns to look at Airister with total shock.  What we had extra just eat is the only reply he gives.

The oil lights are burning red,  the hour is late, sleep calls Most of the party.  Airister reaches for his bottle of pills, tosses 5 in his mouth and pulls from a tankard of mead.   Sleep is the daily enemy of Airister’s ongoing fight.  Kasiday slides close, whispers in his ear. I will be with you. You will be safe, I will not tell your secrets.  She knows his secret but did not know about the screams, the verbal abuse the drink will unleash.  Jamend what time do we ride out in the morning?  Sun up why.  Well how many days ride, Asks Rodman.   No more that a day replies Jamend, why?  Well where are we going to Supply up if its a day away. Dem asks.  This was a good point.  Jamend took a moment to think.   Airister hung his head, pulls the boy from under the table whispers in his ear.  Sends the boy off.  the boy stops looks over his shoulder. You ask for payment I will slay you where you stand now GO. The child runs like a Dragon was on his heels,  If the boy only knew the truth of that feeling.

Moments later Master Sabermen stands at the table.  Fire in his eyes over the sight of his daughter sitting at the table with Airister.  Airister  Pulls over a chair.  Offers it to the Master of the guard.  A heavy pouch in his hand.  He hands it to Sabermen, says we will be staying on for 3 or 4 days.   There is enough gold in there to pay all the men you have watching us.  With you daughter sitting in with us you will always have eyes on us what do you say?  A slight rage grows in the mans chest, he opens the pouch.  His eyes widen, he sighs and nods.  Thanking the table for the gift and takes his leave. Kissing his daughters head whispers in her ear. she smiles nods and kisses his cheek back.  What was all that about Dem asks Kasiday. He told me to keep watch over this one for he may have  good in him yet.  Airister snarls and crushes a glass in his hand.  With that dinner was over.  The boy looks over and sees no blood on the glass or in Airister’s hand tilting his head he shrugs.  Wonding off to check the rooms then head to his bed in the common room with the traveling help.

The child had lucked out. He had gotten a bed between to older women that smiled as Kasiday walked the child to his bed.  Now you know what you need to do in the morning. Yes Mum, In the morning make sure the horses are looked after, All except the black mare give that one a wide birth.  Then shine the God man’s armor.  Look for the thief.  Wake Dem and Jamend.  Then have a mead ready at Airister’s door.  I’m not to go in just wait there.  Good boy.   Mum will you travel with us. No little one Airister will not let me travel with him And in truth he loves another.

Then mum why do you look after him so.  Kasiday tells the child of that night, how Airister had killed 2 men that had attacked her and asked for nothing in return.  Airister was in a drug and mead induced trance and had mistaken Kasiday for someone else.  I walked him to his room and laid him in his bed.  He started to shake and thrash so I laid on top of him and he calmed.  He whispered her name and fell a sleep.  Kasiday was omitting great parts of the story.  No one was to know what she had scene and she would go to the grave keeping his secret.  For he has send two men to the grave for her it was the least she could do. the child looked up and said Is Airister a bad man.  The smile faded from Kasiday’s face.  He was once the most skilled Assassin or  Hunter in the realm.  Someone asked him to change and he did for that person.  Now she is gone, he fights the darkness everyday. Mum do you fear being near him. Yes child I do for I have seen what unspeakable things he can do to a persons body.  Then mum why do you watch over him.   Kasiday thought long on the boys question.  The older woman spoke up.  “because”  is all reason you need to know. Time for sleeping Little boy.  The older women ushered Kasiday out of the Common chambers and locked the door. Kasiday steeled her self for what she was about to see and live through again.  She thought back as slight smile crept over her face.   Not many have scene what she has scene.  She headed off to once again become a woman she has never met for a man she liked and feared all rolled in one.  He could feed and clothe a child befriend a paladin.  Yet could rip a man’s arm off and beat a second man to death with that same arm.  This was not a night for the faint of heart.